7 October 2015
So I decided to Live!
My prognosis was Breast Cancer:
Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) Stage 2 Grade 3 +++ HER2 NEU…
Huh? My mind paused and got stuck at BREAST CANCER …. The rest was just blah blah blah…My doctors rallied together and came up with my action plan – and No I did not have a choice!
My regimen was aggressive (like my cancer) and my treatment was long – 3 weeks cycles FEC (CHEMO), 12 weeks of weekly Taxol (CHEMO) and one year of Herceptin (CHEMO), plus life long hormone treatment on Tamoxifen and somewhere in between a mastectomy and a thyroidectomy!
Understand the Vomit reaction? I politely asked my Doctor to write it down cos it was all too much to remember!
The next MIND ON BIG PAUSE MOMENT for me was
CHEMOTHERAPY! I AM AFRAID OF NEEDLES!!!
All I could think of was that horrible movie “Dying Young” with Julia Roberts and the dying man… who vomited and walked around with a blankie all day… OMG was I going to do THAT?
I must be very very honest here… I was so SHIT SCARED of Chemotherapy I was considering packing my bags and running away… I wasn’t more scared of anything EVER…
Chemotherapy is a bit of a gamble you see. They not quite sure how its all going to work out – if your body responds well or not and/or if it will work on your cancer. Some people get really sick and others don’t. Some experience vicious side effects and others only a few…
I had to Had To HAD TO have Chemo despite the very fibre of my Being screaming at me to Abscond!
I put the Flight Reaction on hold (entered the Happy Place – Yard, Nervous breakdown lotsa lotsa cigarettes and Coke) and reluctantly submitted to the Treatment….which is really a medical poisoning!
I Needed to Believe that this treatment was going to work for ME but first I needed another cigarette!