Another Cigarette

7 October 2015

Day 7

So I decided to Live!

My prognosis was Breast Cancer:

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) Stage 2 Grade 3 +++ HER2 NEU…

Huh? My mind paused and got stuck at BREAST CANCER …. The rest was just blah blah blah…My doctors rallied together and came up with my action plan – and No I did not have a choice!

My regimen was aggressive (like my cancer) and my treatment was long – 3 weeks cycles FEC (CHEMO), 12 weeks of weekly Taxol (CHEMO) and one year of Herceptin (CHEMO), plus life long hormone treatment on Tamoxifen and somewhere in between a mastectomy and a thyroidectomy!

Understand the Vomit reaction? I politely asked my Doctor to write it down cos it was all too much to remember!

The next MIND ON BIG PAUSE MOMENT for me was
CHEMOTHERAPY! I AM AFRAID OF NEEDLES!!!

All I could think of was that horrible movie “Dying Young” with Julia Roberts and the dying man… who vomited and walked around with a blankie all day… OMG was I going to do THAT?
I must be very very honest here… I was so SHIT SCARED of Chemotherapy I was considering packing my bags and running away… I wasn’t more scared of anything EVER…

Chemotherapy is a bit of a gamble you see. They not quite sure how its all going to work out – if your body responds well or not and/or if it will work on your cancer. Some people get really sick and others don’t. Some experience vicious side effects and others only a few…

I had to Had To HAD TO have Chemo despite the very fibre of my Being screaming at me to Abscond!
I put the Flight Reaction on hold (entered the Happy Place – Yard, Nervous breakdown lotsa lotsa cigarettes and Coke) and reluctantly submitted to the Treatment….which is really a medical poisoning!

I Needed to Believe that this treatment was going to work for ME but first I needed another cigarette!

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Author: Sumayya

I have Super Powers! Don't tell everyone ssshhhhhtttt Writer, Producer, Filmmaker, Photographer

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