10 October 2015
The irony of having Cancer is that you don’t feel sick or look ill in any way… People actually say this to you…
Right up until that point when you lose your hair!
As a woman, hair is a HUGE part of your identity. It’s lush and lovely and perfect and makes you feel beautiful (as do your Boobs)! Suddenly your hair is gone and you look like a CANCER PATIENT!
All this time you ruminate and make peace with the fact that you are ill and will lose your hair – you can imagine it and try as best to prepare yourself mentally for the reality…
NOTHING prepares you for BALDNESS!
First the hair comes out in little clumps…. Then it comes out in hands full…. And then you just start pulling it out because it Hurts, much like in a Zombie Movie! Your scalp hurts and the skin crawls and itches (a strange sensation) as the hair follicles die, this is, however, not a sign that the chemo is working!
I remember looking in the mirror after having shaved my head and I was Horrified!!!
That clarifying moment when I realized that everyone would now know that HOLY SHIT I HAVE CANCER was not pretty!!!
I hated being bald because suddenly it defined my journey. Worse than losing my hair on my head was losing my eyelashes and eye brows! You feel unprotected, naked almost…
And very very ALIEN!
Wherever I went ALL I could see was beautiful FULL HAIRED WOMEN with Lovely EYELASHES And EYEBROWS and it made me MAD AS HELL! (If in the event I gave you ‘vuilkyke’ at this point – please forgive me? I was probably jealous of your Hair / Lashes / Brows okay?)
Yes I considered wearing a wig and tried to put some makeup on, but I didn’t like the wig and the drawn on eyebrows made me feel
like a freak show. My Saving Grace was my kids – they loved my baldy and used to rub and kiss it all the time much to my dismay because it feels Gross!
I rocked turbans and beanies and dark glasses – to camouflage the Freak Show and Slowly I became accepting of my Transformation – and YES I still hate anyone with MORE HAIR THAN ME!!!