Give Me A Fuckin Break

14 October 2015

Day 14

My next round of chemotherapy was called Taxol and was a Targeted therapy (meaning it only attacked the cancer cells). I was promised that it was not as harsh as FEC – which had made me bald, gave me aching bones, aged me instantly, destroyed my veins etcetera, etcetera… So I was relieved and a little less scared!

Where FEC had made me a placid half dead zombie… TAXOL TURNED ME INTO A MONSTER!

It was really BAD.

I believe the worst part of Taxol was having to deal with 2 little kids… Kids are unforgiving and relentless and HATE CHANGE! They DO NOT CARE if you want to vomit or pee or poo or that you have Cancer… They DO NOT CARE if you are feeling half dead with an aching body or that you can’t process what’s in your head… They DO NOT CARE about anything other than their own needs! My kids did not care that I could not feel my hands and feet or that I was utterly and completely Depressed!

They woke me up at insane hours, demanded breakfast (each one a different kind), proceed to feed it to the dog, demand a second breakfast, the baby would refuse to use the toilet and pee all over me or all over the house. The Eldest would refuse to go to school and cry and tell me I am Evil for sending her…THEN get undressed because she ‘don’t look pretty’ and cry hysterically she needs new shoes/clothes/panties… AND this routine happened DAILY FOR MONTHS!

My Life was Falling Apart – and my husband would sleep until I started SCREAMING AND SWEARING AT THE TOP OF MY FUCKEN LUNGS… I am sure the neighbours wanted to call Social Services LOL!

So Taxol was NOT NICE and Neither was I!

When you have little kids, you are going to need support! Take it from anyone who offers it! At one point I was prepared to give my kids to ANYONE who came to visit! And No it’s not because I am a BAD MOTHER – its because I needed a FUCKEN BREAK!

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Author: Sumayya

I have Super Powers! Don't tell everyone ssshhhhhtttt Writer, Producer, Filmmaker, Photographer

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