17 October 2015
I have written candidly and explicitly about many things people think are ‘Private’. Things most people tend to hide and keep to themselves. My cancer journey has taught me many things about the capacity of the human spirit and that the idea of privacy to me is antiquated. I spent so much time naked with strangers (medical team) that I lost the capacity to feel ‘Private’! What’s the point?
I have nothing to hide from other human beings and I believe that the only way we learn is if we share our experiences. I believe that my ability to share my cancer journey openly will help someone in need that may be going through what I have.
My reasoning is that there is SO LITTLE REAL SUPPORT for people going through Cancer. I have said this before and say it again – It is a SAD and LONELY experience! Imagine this – having your body trying to kill you, THEN chemo killing your body, your mind betraying you and the world just carrying on around you.
Somewhere between ALL THAT you have to find MEANING and PURPOSE! Really??? How the FUCK do you DO THAT?
The truth is, that somewhere between the hospital appointments and the chemotherapy and the doctors recommendations and your family concerns and your personal woes and just trying to stay the fuck ALIVE… You Lose Yourself – or a Sense of Self! My sense of self dissolved… I think all the nakedness and breast fondling does that LOL!
It was really challenging for me because I had a plan you see, and then Cancer came along and ruined it! So I had to let go of what I thought my future would look like in order for me to be present and accepting of what my NOW LOOKS LIKE!
Here’s the deal – For a while you are on PAUSE – in Stasis – you don’t move, you don’t plan, you don’t dream! You open your eyes and look around you and REALISE that’s ALL you have – you have NOW and THAT’S your PURPOSE!