24 October 2015
You would probably have figured out by now that I survived my surgery … and Yes, I woke up after the operation! Thankfully I was not blind or deaf and did not suffer brain damage! For a brief moment I thought that I couldn’t feel my legs… But it was imagined LOL! I couldn’t move my head and had very little control of my chest area. It was hard to breathe because of the really tight bandage around my throat from the thyroidectomy. I was numb around my back and chest area.
The minute I could sit upright, I wanted to get out of bed as I needed the toilet, but getting up required quite a bit of effort! I could only use and lift my right arm. I barely managed getting out of bed post anesthetic and then SURPRISE! I COULD NOT GO TO THE TOILET BY MYSELF! I could NOT SIT BACK… It was really HARD as limited neck movement made it impossible for me to look anywhere!
The pain only came the next day. It was like having a really horrible guest arriving and not wanting to leave… At this point I would like to point out that not everyone experiences the amount of pain I did. I had neo-adjuvant treatment (chemo before mastectomy) which the doctors told me caused a lot of nerve damage. My healing process was obviously impeded and so I suffered an enormous amount of pain and discomfort.
I want to talk to you about pain. Pain is something most of us abhor. We are not used to experiencing constant pain and we are also not equipped to deal with immense amounts of pain. I would walk and meditate my pain away. I started thinking of it as a baptism. I immersed myself in the sensation knowing that this is just a moment of suffering and that IT SHALL PASS!
I did not cry and get emotional. I pulled up my big girl panties and stared it down and liberated my self from it! YES YOU CAN!