Nothing Feeling

29 October 2015

Day 29

I finished Herceptin with ease – I was pleasantly surprised at how simple it felt. And yet, I was horrified about the fact that I would not be going to hospital as regularly as before. Crazy I know – I came to rely on the rhythmical living that I had adjusted to. My trial with chemo had come to an abrupt END – and I felt lost and incomplete. It’s stupid how I was living from one chemo to the next, constantly telling myself ‘five more to go… three more to go… and then the last one and… DONE!”… Woooossssssaaaaa!!!

Relieved?
Peaceful?
Hopeful?
Happy?

Nothing…
I felt NOTHING!

Nothing but sadness, emptiness and disappointment… What was I expecting? A Big I Survived Cancer Party? Yes, I actually really did! This was Bigger than my 21st, much Bigger than Anything Else really, I mean I survived the Big C! I wanted bells and whistles, and a street Party, and All my friends and the whole World to give me a Shout Out! Okay! Maybe Not! Lol!

My point is you feel Lost. You don’t know what to do… You don’t know where to start… Do you try and salvage what is left of you and then carry on as if nothing happened? Do you even remember what ‘You Before Cancer’ felt like? You feel different and inaccessible like a volcanic island. You realize that obviously what you have been doing your whole life is what gave you cancer in the first place, so you have to implement Change…
Change your Diet!
Change your Lifestyle!
Change your Career!
Change your Relationships!
Change your Thinking!
Change Everything!

And then Change Your Mind…
Instead of thinking of Cancer as a Curse or Calamity, I started thinking about it as a Divine Inspiration. A Push from the Universe – redirecting my Lifeboat to calmer Seas! The harrowing experience really chips away at all your perceptions, opinions and understanding of Life and like a Gifted Sculptor, it carves you and kneads you and then moulds you into something New. Remember, it can be a time of tremendous upheaval in your life, but it can also be a time of rediscovery, adventure and motivation. It can Inspire you to do Great Things, things you thought you were never capable of. You may walk a thousand miles, you may climb the Kilimanjaro, you may even go into outer space! And if you really lucky, It may even introduce you to your Inner Self and give you the courage to Live your True Purpose!

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Author: Sumayya

I have Super Powers! Don't tell everyone ssshhhhhtttt Writer, Producer, Filmmaker, Photographer

2 thoughts on “Nothing Feeling”

  1. Slm Sumayya – you had me in tears and laughing at the same time most of the time. But mostly, your courage, determination and humour can only inspire. All the best insha allaa ameen for whatever lies ahead

    Liked by 1 person

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