30 October 2015

Day 30

For the first time this month I find myself at a loss for words. I am so super reluctant to write about my Tamoxifen experience (aka TamoxiHELL) because I really have nothing nice to say about it, and may come across as a really ungrateful irreverent miserable (B)WITCH !

My hormone therapy started after I had my mastectomy and had the drains removed, but still doing my Herceptin cycles. I did a tremendous amount of research as I was required to take 20mg of Tamoxifen daily for 5 years, and at the end of the day I had to weigh the benefits of taking it against the risk of recurrence if I don’t take it. The benefits outweighed the risk unfortunately….

Tamoxifen is a cytostatic agent – an anti-oestrogenic compound. Basically, it blocks the cancer causing oestrogen from attaching to cancer cells and impairs the growth of the tumours, hopefully KILLING IT! Sounds really cool… BUT…

The list of side effects they slap you with are HORRIFIC and some are LIFE Threatening as it may even cause ovarian cancer and/or liver cancer… The common or milder side effects are hot flushes, water retention, vaginal bleeding, thrush, gastric disturbances, dizziness, rashes, hypercalcaemia, blood platelet and white blood cell anomalies, headaches, depression, fatigue, confusion, leg cramps, alopecia and dry skin… And if you’re really unlucky you may develop deep vein thrombosis or a pulmonary embolism or blurred vision with corneal opacities/retinopathies. It delays the body’s ability to heal and can cause osteoporosis…

And that’s why it is so much HARDER to take Tamoxifen than anything else… it’s an unwanted gift that keeps on giving! Just when I used to think ‘I GOT THIS!’ Tamoxifen would beat me into submission!

I have been on Tamoxifen for 3 years – and I have experienced MOST of the side effects and it is ROUGH! It can diminish your quality of life radically as it makes you feel like WORSE THAN CRAP!! ! At my last doctor’s appointment I was slapped with a new research document which basically sentenced me to TAMOXIHELL FOR LIFE… WITH NO PAROLE!


But if it’s any consolation…
You get used to it… You Get Over It or you Manage It…
It’s just a Different way of LIVING!

PS: So please Excuse the Misery…as I am waist deep in TamoxiHELL!


Author: Sumayya

I have Super Powers! Don't tell everyone ssshhhhhtttt Writer, Producer, Filmmaker, Photographer

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