Tomorrow I see my Oncologist who is my Primary Care giver since diagnosis. I am VERY AFRAID of seeing her ALWAYS – because I am a ‘Moffie’ and I am afraid she may find something new wrong with me… It’s ridiculous I know but I am only human, therefore I am having a denial day. Where I lie around and detach myself from my daily realities and wish my bed could swallow me whole!
I have managed to get a cold AGAIN… And now I am thinking about all the possibilities of my situation. I wonder about whether I am doing enough to remain ‘cancer-free’. I wonder if I should drastically change my eating habits (because I do not diet) and whether I should be exercising more… I wonder about whether I should have less mammograms… I give a lot of thought to my medication and try to remember every new ache and pain that I have to report on…
Then I come up with an action plan. I am going to discuss all the above-mentioned topics and jot down some notes to ensure that I remember. Despite being really afraid of my six monthly checkups, I have a really awesome relationship with my Oncologist, and when we see each other we generally forget to talk about the things we should be talking about LOL!
So for like the first 10 minutes we talk about the kids, the jobs, the homes, the husbands, the families… Then she does a full physical examination. Then I eventually remember what I wanted to ask her vaguely and get distracted by other things we haven’t spoken about yet. We speak a lot about activism and why so many people are getting diagnosed and dying from Cancer.
And then we talk about books and photography and travelling and exercise and animals and food!
Then I get my prescription (if we don’t forget), my pathology forms for blood tests and get told about the date of my next mammogram.
And before I know it my time is up and I have not discussed ANY of my concerns about my health!
Bleh!!! Go Figure…
And then when I get home I will say:” Ooops I forgot to ask about… EVERYTHING!!!”