Today I had the pleasure of having my mind picked about my breast cancer encounter. I met a friend who never knew that I had breast cancer three years ago. It was at first odd having to recall my experiences from diagnosis to chemo to a mastectomy to recovery…
She listened attentively and asked thought provoking questions. A lot of her questions were really fresh and challenging to answer because she really expected me to dig deep. This kind of thinking is mostly what frightens me, firstly because its hard to be totally honest without feeling vulnerable and secondly having to let someone into the recesses of your mind and soul is not always comfortable. You dont feel safe, you feel exposed but also rebeliously euphoric!
I felt refreshingly challenged and really listened as she was asking questions about spirituality and psychology and the role each played in my recovery. Deep Deep thoughts… All the things I am most reluctant to write about…
Was my cancer an Awakening?
What activated cancer in my body /soul and the connection of each?
What emotions was I holding onto?
How did I program on a cellular level to minimise side effects?
How do I stay positive?
Did I always know I was going to encounter this test?
My attitude towards illness or hardship?
Why was I afraid to die?
Was I always strong or did I learn to be this way?
Has my experience changed how I view others and life in general?
How has cancer changed my marriage and intimate relationships?
She has requested that I write about these things for they are what is needed by many many people. I hope that I am able to answer truthfully and that my attempt at my own truth leads you to yours!
In shaa Allah!