Morose Conclusions

My last appointment with my primary care giver was not a good one. I feel that our relationship has deteriorated to a working relationship. Something that ‘you have to do’ and not necessarily something you ‘want to do’! As I walked in the first thing she said was ‘I hope you are still taking your meds…’ In hindsight I understand why she said that, its because by the 3rd year of taking Tamoxifen you feel like an old frizzled-up bonedry undead person! And most women decide to call it quits at this crucial midway point when the realization hits you that the symptoms and side effects are unbearable and have such a negative impact on your life…

I know that I am highly emotional but our meeting left me feeling deeply disappointed to the point that I have lost interest in medical science and rationality when it comes to the treatment of Cancer!  There… I said it! I believe that all the pharmaceuticals are evil money war mongering heartless machines that make people sick just to run trials on them… And they don’t know what the Hell they are doing! Conspiracy theory makes more sense to me at this point – Sorry!

I left her offices feeling hopeless at the realization that I have lost faith in Modern Medicine! Modern medicine did not save my friends, my family, my Doctor’s mother, my other Doctor’s Father In-law, my friends Aunt, her Aunt’s sister, my father’s Uncle and Cousins, the neighbours’ 5 siblings… catch my drift? The sinking reality that it is ALL a gamble is very frustrating…

All my friends and family were alarmed at first but I explained my rationale and they are quietly accepting of my newfound determination to never do chemo AGAIN if in the event my Cancer comes back! You heard Me! NO! I will NOT do Chemo again!!!

I’ll explain… If my Cancer decides to revisit, it will return as a Stage IV Metastatic Cancer in other organs such as the bones, the liver or brain etc… and there is NO CURE FOR IT! No amount of Chemo will Save Me! It will however alleviate some of my symptoms but it will eventually KILL ME! KAPISH?

And THAT is NOT how I wanna go down…

If you look at the life and death of both Steve Jobs and David Bowie and so many countless others, you will agree with me that no amount of money or modern medicine is going to save you if your allotted time on earth is up…


Author: Sumayya

I have Super Powers! Don't tell everyone ssshhhhhtttt Writer, Producer, Filmmaker, Photographer

2 thoughts on “Morose Conclusions”

  1. Aslm Summaya. My beloved sister, my soul mate, my best friend died on the 19th March 2015. She was 42. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in September 2012. Mastectomy on 4 October 2012. Followed by intense chemo and herceptin doses for 12 months and immediately thereafter radiation for 8 weeks. Needless to say she was violently ill because of the treatment (when I asked her about pain she told me she only knew she had cancer because of the treatment -nothing else!) In January 2014 she received a clean bill of health the Cancer was “gone” – she was doing great, she felt amazing, we were elated! Even I was in remission – her cancer was my journey too… in June 2014 she complained about a pinched nerve giving her trouble with pain in her right hip…other than that she said she was feeling good… we found also found a lump in her neck and after more tests… The cancer had returned but this time more aggressive.. tests found cancer in her bones and her brain. After more chemo (the best money can buy ) and Millions later she succumbed to her illness 8 months later. … There are natural remedies like maintaining low acid high alkaline diet.. etc and I firmly believe that the doctors have no idea and the conglomerates are hiding the actual cure because of the their greed for money. Our battle with my sister was a severe one and I make dua and pray that you are completely cured in sha allah ameen.
    ps enjoy reading your blog 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wslm Yumnah! I am so sorry for your loss… May the Almighty grant her the highest Janah In Shaa Allah Ameen 💖 I heard about Juwahir’s journey from Lameez. I was also diagnosed in 2012… it was a horrible year… I am investigating alternate remedies as well and will write about them soon. But more importantly dietary changes is the key. Shukran for your duahs and will keep you and your family in mine. 😘


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