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I used to think my day was wasted if I had not worked at finishing off my allotted tasks for that particular day. I used to get angry and berate myself for not doing what I had planned to do. I used to feel that productivity was what made my day worth it. I used to feel that the only way success was worth measuring was through hard work and achievements.

But now I feel that this no longer applies to my way of living. I no longer care much for productivity of this realm. Of course I work and do what I must do to run a business… But I no longer pass judgment on myself or feel guilty about whether I have achieved or put in 100% of my time and effort. I have found that life is bigger than just plodding through a day of work…

This cycle enslaves us. We constantly worry about personal goals and achievements. Some people like to compete and push themselves to achieve more in order to stay ahead in the rat race. Others compare their lives to people they perceive are better than them and this toxic thought pattern drives them to obsess even more about this worldly realm.

Today I thought about what completes my day. What makes me feel that I have achieved everything for this day? What fulfills me and puts my heart at rest so that when I lay my head down to sleep I go with a satisfied heart filled with Gratitude and Peace…

Salaah…

Prayer is My Solace, My Power, My Protection, My Courage and Saviour!

As Muslim’s we are commanded to pray 5 times a day. As a Muslim I Submit and Hear the Call and Answer it! This submission has brought new meaning to my Life. It is the purpose of every living thing to Praise the Almighty. We are given Life for no other reason and for the purpose of Nothing Else other than Prayer!

Once I reached this understanding, my concept of what I achieved for a day has changed. I feel that My time is wasted only if I had not made my Salaah 5 times in a day. If I miss any of them I feel so guilty that I am unable to sleep. When I am unable to perform my obligatory prayers I feel out of synch and unbalanced.

My Salaah has brought me to Guidance and Acceptance and has blessed me with Surrender where I am able to dive deep and plunge into those quiet spaces of stillness and tranquility.

May the Almighty Grant me Understanding In Shaa Allah!

Gush Of Wind

A gust of moving air

Wind surged forth and whipped my cap off my head

I stopped running

Panting and thought

How quickly that happened

As my cap got mutilated under the oncoming traffic

And suddenly thrashed and whipped into a whirlwind of nothingness

Up into the bright turquoise washed sky

It reminded me of the fragility of life

How quickly a life is lived and then lost

Like a Gush of Wind

Isn’t it Ironic?

I really don’t know what’s worse – being a parent or being a child.

I know I am bad at them both, but I struggle to choose and balance these two aspects of my life.

I am That Mother who wants the very best for their child and expect the same level of obsessive compulsion to be reciprocated in their relationship with me governed by their achievements and accomplishments. I am Tiger Mom on Steroids – ‘Like what Do You Mean You Don’t Understand? Go and Write it out TEN times until you DO!’

I am Sorry – I do NOT want a child that does not work hard, doesn’t achieve, doesn’t respect life and is generally not interested in anything… I refuse to be the Mother of a Loser or an Asshole because that would be a reflection of my values that I have instilled in them! There I said it – some kids are assholes and it’s their parents’ fault they are that way…

I am a very involved parent – I wish that I were not! I sometimes wish to be an absent parent – where I did not have to deal with the everyday struggle of trying to raise kids in a healthy, constructive way! I long for the days when you could get sense smacked into you or the days where you would eat your two day old lunch for supper that night!

I am also that child that is rapaciously involved in her parents’ lives. I live with them, for them and to them! I get a constant criticism of my brutal parenting style and my food always tastes like crap! We fight and swear and disagree on everything but we cannot live without each other.

I have been having the hardest time realizing that it is not easy being the child that watches their parents’ grow older. With age comes ailments that you don’t fully understand and having to realize how unfair life is for whilst you are at your prime they are on their decline – this makes life just a little harder and sadder…

This week I have witnessed my Father literally fall to pieces from excruciating pain caused by Shingles. I felt it with him as my heart shattered under the heaviness of his discomfort.  The helplessness makes me feel cowardly – I mean why can’t I fix it? Or take it away? Or soothe it with a Band Aid?

Not So Simple…  Life is complicated like that…

I hope one day my children will be so obsessed with me as I am with my parents and that they never give me a moments peace and that they invade every aspect of my being as is their birth given right! And that is Not Negotiable!

Woman What Is It?

What Is It About Being a Woman?

A woman that can use her Hands, Heart and Mind

To Make and Prosper

To be Self Sufficient and Enormously Capable

Of Surviving in a Man Made World

Be a Woman

That takes Pride in Her Achievements and Believe Your Worth

Be That Woman that Embraces her Mysteries

And Understand Your Place in this Universe

You are Impeccable, Irreplaceable, Inimitable

You Are More Than an Object of Desire

You are a Celestial Being

An Enchanted Enigma

And You deserve this Gift of Life!

Beacon of Health

When you run you become so in tune with your body. You listen and feel yourself. This element of running is of utmost importance to me. Personally I see running as my vehicle to keep track of my health. I think my body will definitely let me know if there is a cancer recurrence or if there are any complications involving the heart/lungs/bones/liver.

I am only running consistently for the past year. I was unable to run through chemotherapy and post mastectomy. I knew that I needed to exercise so I used to rebound and when I was feeling stronger I tried some personal trainers and gym, but never really felt satisfied with the outcome. Last year I decided ‘Right, enough of feeling like shit’ and went for my first slow run after struggling with health issues since my first pregnancy – like 9 years ago – SIESS!!!

Now don’t get me wrong, the keyword being consistent – I was active but NOT CONSISTENT!

During both my pregnancies I did Preggie Yoga and enjoyed walking. After each pregnancy I tried to get back into running but was never really fully committed to the experience so I tried new things like Bikram Yoga and Ashtanga Yoga. I did Bootcamp workouts and really fell inlove with kettle bells and functional training post last pregnancy. I also spent copious amounts of time on the treadmill at gym – which is the biggest rip off you might as well be a hamster… Here’s the truth – NOTHING beats ROAD RUNNING!

My Running Story

I remember my first race. I was 8 and I ran my first 5km community race and then I won a prize for being the youngest finisher! Wow! What a memory! But I digress – that is NOT why I love running!

I was introduced to running by my father. He was the first marathoner I ever trained with. I started training with him when I was about 6 or 7. Him pounding the pavement and me riding alongside him on my BMX bike! I will never forget his first 42km race  – because I was not allowed to bike alongside him – the exhilaration, the excitement and the sheer nerves before hearing the Start Gun firing off!

As a family we always supported him at the races – even if they started at the most ridiculous times and inconvenient venues – I remember we even slept in the car overnight! My Dad’s training was inclusive, he made us ride, walk, crawl or run with him. His diet changed and so did ours. We were a really active family!

I only really started running with him when I was about 12 and I didn’t like it one bit… I used to think it was absolute torture and could not understand why you would want to do this to your body… At 16 I finally understood the benefits of running and was really grateful for the positive body image my Dad created by instilling such a healthy active lifestyle.

Running at least twice a week was our bonding time. Our alone time. Our meditative time. We were able to keep track of each other’s lives with long conversations and many debates which was absolutely crucial during my most rebellious years. In hindsight my Dad was really clever, because he instilled in me a love for something that we shared and gifted me with the ability of running that would positively influence my entire life!

I am eternally grateful for this and I hope to do the same for my girls!

In Shaa Allah!

Here

Feel the Calm and Peace flowing through You

The Grace The Awareness The Truth

Change your life

Change your Mind

Change your Attitude

Choose to Live at A Higher Vibration

At a Better Consciousness

Let go of Negativity

Let Go of Insecurities

Let Go of Self Doubt

Wait a minute – How did I get Here?

I used to bang on the Door of Darkness and fuelled my life with Anger and Remorse. Life used to be Hard and Unfair and Difficulties made me spiral into an abyss of self doubt. I used to wonder what my purpose was. Why am I here? I don’t even like Here…

It All had to STOP!

I scratched and searched in books, in minds, in hearts. I never found what I was looking for. Until the Day I was gifted with a new awareness that I was able to grasp because of great adversity in my Life. I wrestled and grappled and found that what I was looking for was quietly Hidden Deep Within Myself.

I embraced the Light and decided to Positively Change my thoughts and actively decide what’s important in the present! No space for worries and doubt. No cares for tomorrow or yesterday. Everyday you are gifted with a chance to Do better, Live Better and Be Better!