April Fear

Sleep has evaded me for at least a month or at worst two months. I don’t really keep track of these things. All I can say is ‘It’s painful… like when a best friend or (even worse) a boyfriend breaks up with you… The bitter fermented rot it leaves in your mouth is putrid! And the brain FUNK is equivalent to the aftermath of a hurricane. Somehow you remember vaguely what used to exist before this tirade of relentless exhaustion swept in…

Dramatic? I know…

I have never suffered from insomnia or any sleep related problems in my entire life. At first it was accepted that it was the result of an overactive mind and a traitorous brain that says: “Fuck You! We are Not Sleeping because Tonight we are going to think about Random Shit ALL NIGHT LONG!”

Alas, I digress! I can honestly admit that this bout of insomnia is directly linked to the onset of the month of April! I kid you not! You know how some people fear Friday the thirteenth because all manner of strange and evil things happen? Well I feel the same way about April… It’s ridiculous but true, I absolutely abhor the Month of April for a number of really asinine reasons which are unrelated, unimportant and irrational!

But still they keep me awake at night…

The Big Anxiety of this Month is: It’s my 4 Year Anniversary since diagnosis!

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on the 25th of April 2012.

Literally,  the Day my Life (As I Knew It) Ended!

Needless to say it is not a generally happy time of year for me. I think about my health at a hyperactive level and am super aware of the realities of having had Breast Cancer. My bi-annual check-up with my Oncologist is something that I cannot miss as well as the barrage of tests etc that follow…

And as Karma would have it, April is also the Month of my Husbands birthday. Now isn’t that just SOMETHING! And said person expects bells and whistles with strippers and nurse outfits – which for the past few years have equated to “let’s take the kids for dinner” LOL!

Always this constant battle of Yin and Yang! So this is the month of Duality for me – where my opposing forces of Light and Dark Battle it Out and eventually realize that they can and will coexist to maintain my natural balance… Even though I am as Tired as A Dying Dog!


Author: Sumayya

I have Super Powers! Don't tell everyone ssshhhhhtttt Writer, Producer, Filmmaker, Photographer

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