Does Tears Destroy CD’s

It’s been a while…

It’s been 4 weeks since your passing…the longest time we have ever not spoken to each other or seen each other or heard from each other…

I have delayed writing about my grief in the hope that it would be less real and easier to live with…

More than a thousand times in these last few weeks I have written to you and spoken to you in my head… mulling over our last conversation before you took ill.

It was a strange yet comfortable conversation that had me thinking that maybe, just maybe, you were telling me something significant… And even though I heard you, I didn’t pay any heed to your statements as I should have… instead we just laughed it off as we do and blamed it on old age and dementia!

As I packed and unpacked my CD shelf this morning I stumbled across one of your old favourites and I remembered your love of music and it just crippled me… I got stuck on ‘always there when you called…’

How I miss you…

How no amount of tears and anguish will return you to me… to us.

Grief is a difficult thing. The pain comes and goes like the waning of the moon and the turn of tides. It somehow blurs your senses and dulls your perception of reality. Time is agonisingly slow and the heartache has not been getting any better. I understand that in time I will learn to live with it much like a lost limb or body part…you know exactly where it was, what it felt like and that it belonged to you and yet you had to let it go despite not wanting to… and you will always miss it and you will always want it back because you will always be able to feel it…

I have selfishly denied myself the pleasure of writing for I knew it would mean that I would have to acknowledge your passing. I thought I would write something immensely artistic with flowery beautiful narrative, but my disposition is filled with raw anguish.

For now I am mopping up my tears from my old CD’s and wondering…

‘Does tears destroy CD’s?’

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Author: Sumayya

I have Super Powers! Don't tell everyone ssshhhhhtttt Writer, Producer, Filmmaker, Photographer

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