Go To Sleep

The only reason I knew which day of the week it was is because I had an overjoyed super excited six year old who could not wait to go to school because she had been off sick with a tummy bug that made me want to hide in a cupboard and not ever come out… Two weeks ago she had mumps and stayed home for a week much to her delight (at first) and then to her dismay (because she missed her friends and teacher).

And as the tummy bug got sorted the eldest suddenly started moaning about sore ears which I dismissed as sheer laziness because she never wants to go to school or even get up for that matter. She got dragged along to the doctor anyways and was given the all clear only to wake me up at 2am in agony with a face much similar to that of a chipmunk! Noooooooooooooo!!!! Mumps… AGAIN?

Do you have any idea what it’s like to deal with a mouthy attitude fuelled 9 year old with Mumps? Let’s just say it is NOT FUN! I just look on in sheer amazement (WTF horror mostly) and wonder what the Hell happened to my sweet docile child of 4,5,6,7 or even 8 years old?

Mumps…. How can you do this to me? I inoculated religiously and still you showed up in both kids…

Which leads me to my next question: Are my kids weakened immune systems my fault?

Apart from the fact that I was awake caring for sick children all night… this guilt trip nearly caused me a meltdown of cringe-worthy proportions. So I tried to address the matter with my husband, who was fast asleep and absolutely NOT INTERESTED! ‘

“Mayya… Really?” he grumbled, rolled over and tried to wrestle as much of the blankets away from me as he could, and as politely (as he could) told me to go to sleep…

But here’s my logic…

When I was diagnosed, my cancer would have been in my body for at least 5-10 years (according to the doctors – which I am uncertain of. What annoys me is how certain they were that I would be dead in 6 months without any treatment blah blah blah…). My kids at this stage were aged 5 and 2. The realisation kicks in! Wait for it…… Get it? I had cancer in my boobs when I had them in my womb!!!

Could this have affected them? Could it have affected their immune systems because mine was not working? Even more alarming was the fact that my beauties were non-milk producing decorations that served only to fill a bra cup! Other than that… ZERO… And I mean ZERO as in NIL lactation advantages. I did not breast feed because there was nothing to feed other than my anxiety of course. The lactation clinic tried to kill me with Jungle Juice and many other concoctions which did not work at all, much to the annoyance of the nursing sisters who were convinced I was the Anti-Christ of Breastfeeding!

So this is what keeps me awake at night… Guilt!

Yoh! My mind is the devil I tell you!


Author: Sumayya

I have Super Powers! Don't tell everyone ssshhhhhtttt Writer, Producer, Filmmaker, Photographer

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