Life’s a Beach

Writing about my breast cancer is a serious job and it is not always easy because in reality it becomes part of your daily truth. Your brain gets rewired during the process and you change (I have said this before… I know) sometimes in the biggest most visible ways and sometimes in the most miniscule ways that nobody notices but you. For example: I no longer smoke… anything… and I am not afraid to say everything and secretly I refuse to wear a bra!

So I have strived to be as honest and truthful in my retelling of my cancer chronicles (Side note: I am tired of saying ’Journey’ because ‘Journey’ implies I am going somewhere and where EXACTLY am I GOING???) instead of creating a false sense of reality. My writing comes from my head and heart and reflects who I am (an insane Nutter mostly) and flows outta my fingertips magically (KAK Man lol)! Writing is a natural outlet for me and if I am unable to write I feel as if I am being choked… emotionally and physically… and I don’t like being choked! I get frustrated as hell and only swear words spews from my mouth – not pretty!

So recently I have decided to up my game and do some research and read other people’s blogs! Biggest fucken Mistake! I have never been more bored, scared and depressed by my reality. Breast cancer blogs are uninteresting and hopeless! Maybe these women all got their brains rewired to being redundant… I don’t know… it’s very sad… I thought writing was supposed to help others and to inspire others – not scare the shit out of them!
So I have decided to keep on swearing and laughing at my situation because FFS I will not let this get me down – and neither should you! Its depressing and sad I know… but come on at least you are alive? Right?

I remember going to see a Psychotherapist during my treatment (notice no ‘Journey’) and she asked me if I am sad all the time… I said that I wasn’t sad at all! She was surprised when I said that I am angry and mad mostly! I needed to explain: I was angry at myself for getting this way and I was mad because I did not know how to deal with it! I felt that I was being deserted and all I wanted to do was run away from everyone and everything. She asked me where I would go… I said that I would go to Hermanus…. LOL for days! (Hows that for thinking creatively bwahahahahaha!!!)

She was really confused… But still maintained I was suffering of PTSD and offered me anti-depressants!

Point is – why so much doom and gloom? Yes, life is flippen hard and super challenging… for EVERYONE not just you! You are not alone in this gigantic universe. You do not exist in isolation… No! You form part of the many amazing things this world has to offer no matter how broken or bruised you are. So please choose to see beyond your circumstances and your problems and your sadness but rather focus on things beyond yourself and your existence! Why choose to be the source of someone’s misery and fear?

Some words of wisdom from the Streets: As jy niks mooi het om te sê nie dan hou jou bek!
Translation: If you have nothing nice to say then rather be quiet!

On a lighter note – the insanity continues! I am stuck in bed today with a tummy bug that my kids keep returning to me because I am the ONLY OFFICIAL BUM CLEANER in my house! They do not call for ‘Daddy’ and get grossed out by the idea of cleaning themselves! Both hands clenching nostrils… EEuuuuwwww!

And I am rather pissed off because I may need to take antibiotics and I will miss my hills training this evening…

PS: Doing my first 21km Race this weekend… In Shaa Allah!

How January escaped Me

Its February already… and here I am still wondering what the Hell happened to January???

Come to think of it, January was a bit messy – all over the place like spilled sugar! I felt my life veering out of control as I emerged from holiday mode and needed to settle my kids into a normal school routine as well as train myself to be a disciplined hands-on Mommy Monster. Some days I am still flummoxed by the amount of energy needed to keep up this act… But I admit once the school clothes and shoes were bought, stationery bought and labelled, books covered and labelled, bags and lunch packed and the kids were carted off to school…
I felt like less of a failure…. And more like a Conqueror! Yeah!

So I could calmly settle into the dullness of adulthood! Where the requirements bore the crap out of me. But never the less I push on… because I could Rant Like Mad about how much I Love being grown up….

I set myself many goals to achieve this year but one I am particularly more excited about than all the others. Particularly because it embraces two things I am passionate about… running and raising awareness!

I have decided to run my first Old Mutual Two Oceans Marathon 21k Race… and I will be doing it for Charity! I specifically chose to do this to represent and inspire other Breast Cancer Survivors to join the cause of awareness! I feel so honoured that I will be representing the PinkDrive Organisation – they have mobile mammography and gynae clinics that service disadvantaged women all over South Africa. Drumroll…. Tadaaa!

So be warned that my social media feeds will be about fundraising, fundraising and more fundraising for the next month! I would like to donate at least R5000 towards this cause as I feel it is an important and much needed service for women, considering the cost of these services at a hospital.

I hope that R5000 is not too ambitious… My idea is that I get at least 100 people to each donate R50 to my cause! So please people do not ‘unfriend’ me rather help me out on my road to the OMTOM!

I’ll be posting links to my GivenGain page soonest… Keep your eyes peeled!