Crossroads

Johnny Clegg died last night.

This mornings’ school run was overwhelming and emotional because he died of Pancreatic Cancer. I got a lump in my throat while listening to all the tributes playing on the radio and I ugly face snot cried. My kids were silent and scared and put aside their morning banter while mommy had an all-consuming chest heaving tearful moment.

Johnny Clegg was an iconic South African musician, humanitarian, anthropologist and anti-apartheid activist. I grew up listening to his music. I was saddened not only because he was a bright shining South African celebrity but he was also a really awesome human.

I cried because of what he had died from… CANCER….

I ranted to my husband about how the heck has science and doctors managed to get this shit wrong… over and over again? Here we are facing another Industrial Revolution apparently… but STILL NO CURE FOR CANCER? Still no real answers to why?

What’s wrong with this picture?

So you get the C word and then they pump you full of medication that doesn’t work and then you die… from Cancer… from chemotherapy… from toxicity…

And I ask myself if I should have faith in science and medicine and pharmaceuticals and doctors?

No f’ing way…

I generally have a lot of unpopular opinions about following the norms of society, were we not all put here to be different? Freedom of choice? The freedom to choose something other than conventional, other than what others tell you, other than what is ‘right’ and normal…

In the last month 2 iconic women in the SA film industry passed away from ovarian and breast cancer respectively. Their deaths were publicly known and was really untimely and traumatic. And what about all the other people we don’t hear of? Whose lives quietly slip away in the haze of cancer…

I don’t get it… Cancer is everywhere, but no cure in sight.

I am so frustrated and angered by it all.

I have reached that place, that uncomfortable space where I start questioning the so-called authorities. I am sick and tired of hearing from doctors that they don’t know why or how. I need definite answers and absolutes, for I have reached a crossroads, where I am comfortable in saying that I will only accept what feels right for me. Because at this crossroads only I matter.